Many estranged couples keep in touch, sharing the warmth of each other’s friendship despite the pain of divorce. Some even continue their physical relationship, reports Ketan Tanna
It is often said that a divorce creates an Indo-Pak situation between a couple. There is familiarity and contempt. Subterfuge and parleys. People would rather read the telephone directory than even talk to the ex. Yet, there are many couples, separated legally, even bitterly, who keep in touch and some even sustain a physical relationship. In the relief of divorce and since the wounds have healed, they discover that the proximity of marriage, however turbulent, has bequeathed them a friend more valuable than anybody else.
Last year, 37-year-old filmmaker Shrikant Gupta got a divorce from his wife Rekha. She left Mumbai but every time she visits the city, she lives with him. That disturbs Shrikant’s girlfriend, Seema who fears that the estranged couple is so comfortable with each other that the old spark may be rekindled. Meanwhile, Seema herself is separated from her husband Rajesh, though not formally. She confided in Rajesh about her insecurities and it was he who convinced her and Shrikant to go to a counsellor.
If the above paragraph is confusing, it is because the triangles and rectangles of the new age are so. In the cities today, where acquaintances are many but friends are rare, even divorcées are not willing to say goodbye easily. The person you woke up with on many sunny mornings is hard to let go of. Sometimes love, no matter what Karan Johar says, is a habit.
Psychotherapist and counsellor, Minnu Bhonsle describes the final phase of a marriage as an ‘emotional closure’. When this part is not settled clearly, couples continue to maintain a relationship, its nature nebulous. “When one hears of cases where the couple reignites its physical relationship post divorce, it is evident that there is no emotional detachment despite the divorce,†Bhonsle says.
There are pragmatic reasons for divorced couples to stay in touch, like their children or financial matters. But far more compelling and poignant is the fact that despite all the curses they flung at each other in their bedrooms and on the legal documents, they probably still like each other.
Thirty-two-year-old Loveleen Advani and Neel Mitra who is two years older, broke off their marriage due to serious incompatibility. Neel is a pilot with a private airline. Loveleen works as a corporate trainer with a multinational. They had fallen in love and were married for over six years. Neel’s flying job meant that he would not be home very often. “There were times when I would get an important assignment or make a deal and there would be nobody to share my feelings with because Neel was never there,†says Loveleen. When he was there, he had the tendency to sleep, especially on weekends. Often, he would be home when Loveleen was not. She was not sure if she could bear the child of a man who would probably be an absentee father. Eventually, their marriage ended.
Loveleen has remarried and, recently, became a mother. But Neel and Loveleen keep in touch and they share their joys and sorrows like old friends. No one understands you better than the person who once loved you and still wants to know honestly if everything is alright with you. Neel and Loveleen, their picture frames of smiling photos now dismantled, would never give up a bond that was once their common fate.
Photographer Jagdish Maali separated from his wife Preeti two and a half decades ago. “But I’m on the VIP list for any function at her home in Mahim,†he says. “There’s no malice. In fact we can actually laugh about a lot of things.†Jagdish is also happy that Preeti shares a happy equation with his ageing mother. And when he misses a good home-cooked meal, he picks up the phone and asks Preeti to send him a dabba.
Sometimes, children build a bridge between their estranged parents that begins as a road of convenience and ends as something more than a utility. Wedding planner Divya Patel who lives in Mumbai and Ajit Bhonsle who lives in Pune, parted ways 27 years ago. After the divorce, the logistics of loving their daughter made them keep in touch. A few years ago, Ajit underwent major surgery and Divya was there attending to him despite the presence of his current wife. Fifty-five-year-old Divya recounts, “Our marriage fell apart not because he was unfaithful. It was because of a classic ego struggle. Ajit was younger than me and less successful. That created friction.†The clarity of an obituary is always cutting.
“Aruna (Ajit’s current wife) and I are polite to each other,†says Divya. “I have a slightly better equation with his two children from this marriage. In fact when I celebrated his 50th birthday in my home, his children were very much a part of the celebrations.†She invited Aruna who did not come.
Sometimes, in-laws, usually perceived as a divisive force, keep estranged couples together. Twenty-eight-year-old Sunita Kapoor hails from a lower middle class background. She was once married to Harsh, who belonged to the elite South Mumbai circle. His parents liked Sunita and thought she was the best bet for their son. Soon after the marriage, Sunita discovered that Harsh was into substance abuse. Their relationship became strained. Along the way, they had a daughter, but their marriage was always unsteady. In time, they separated but she says that her in-laws work very hard to ensure that the two are in touch. “He still sounds weird on the phone,†she says.
For those with children or financial issues, the interaction is not a matter of choice. But counsellors insist that there should be an emotional closure after divorce. It’s called a clean break. As though there is such a thing. TNN
(Some names have been changed)
—With inputs by Meena Iyer
100有機潤唇膏 雙頭磨沙滋潤豐唇膏 滋潤豐唇蜜 亮彩保濕口紅 亮彩保濕唇蜜 持久亮麗雙頭唇彩 唇線筆 唇膏筆 抗炎作用原理：內環境平衡，增強陰道內免疫力 CO2可本質的改變組織特性，使粘膜組織新生 陰道上皮細胞功能增強，大量糖原在陰道桿菌作用下分解成乳酸，逐步恢復陰道正常的PH值 免疫力增強，降低私密處感染 http://cosmedicbook.com/treatments/info/精雕五官-Juvederm-透明質酸
數據發掘 http://www.bizonrails.com/
FineScan 會在肌膚上製造數以千計的細小深入傷口，即所謂的顯微加熱區（microthermal zone），但要確保每次治療時皆有部份組織不受能量影響，於是，每一個顯微加熱區的作用雖然強烈而明顯，但周圍都包覆著正常且結構完整的皮膚組織，使傷口能在短時間內癒合，並替換之前有缺陷的受損組織。Finescan不僅可讓表皮新生，更可促進深層膠原再生，從內而外徹底喚醒細胞，瞬時找回年輕時的肌膚狀態。憑藉最新的雙軸技術，FINESCAN 6可治療 - 面部 - 頸部 - 暗瘡凹凸洞 - 增生性疤痕 http://cosmedicbook.com/treatments/info/CO2-Laser-祛痣祛疣
CLINIQUE 倩碧線上購物官網。瀏覽Clinique倩碧官方網站，了解更多線上購物、護膚、彩粧、香氛及禮品詳情。通過過敏性測試，百分百不含香料。 https://skinac.com/tag/亮麗柔滑打底乳液
Kanebo 佳麗寶-專櫃 【BC草本香體系列】清新香浴乳的商品介紹 Kanebo 佳麗寶-專櫃,BC草本香體系列,清新香浴乳 https://cosmetic.wiki/tag/粗腿
專為亞洲女性量身打造的新月形刷頭，輕輕一刷，每一根睫毛都呈現美麗弧度，輕鬆卷翹，持久有型！ https://skinac.com/tag/洗護
CHANEL 香奈兒 【嘉柏麗香水系列】嘉柏麗體香噴霧的商品介紹 CHANEL 香奈兒,嘉柏麗香水系列,嘉柏麗體香噴霧 https://cosmetic.wiki/tag/尖針
Superstitious Ander Herrera has worn the same shinpads since the age of eight - much to the amusement of his Manchester United team-mates. Manchester United star Ander Herrera admits he's worn the same shinpads since the age of eight https://bit.ly/2S3sXus
csKu7w Really enjoyed this blog.Really thank you! Fantastic.
Looking forward to reading more. Great post.Much thanks again. Much obliged. http://www.governmentjobsvacancies.com
A big thank you for your post.Really thank you! Want more. https://www.americavitaminas.com/categoria/melatonina-comprar
I like it whenever people come together and share thoughts. Great site, stick with it! http://www.healthinputs.com/psychology/
I just couldn't depart your website before suggesting that I really enjoyed the standard information a person provide for your visitors? Is going to be back often in order to check up on new posts http://www.folorentorium.com/
Thanks so much for the blog.Much thanks again. Will read on... https://www.tanmatra.in/product-category/weight-loss-supplement
A round of applause for your article post.Much thanks again. Great. http://www.furnitureexpertsjunkremoval.com/
A round of applause for your article post.Much thanks again. https://goo.gl/maps/3WFnN9izHoz
Really enjoyed this blog post.Much thanks again. Cool. http://www.lumodecor.com/
I value the blog article.Much thanks again. Awesome. https://mailorderbridesz.com/
Looking forward to reading more. Great article.Thanks Again. Will read on... http://xnxxv.mobi/
I cannot thank you enough for the blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Really Cool. http://www.mormonthink.com/runningweb.htm
Thanks again for the article.Really looking forward to read more. Keep writing. https://social.technet.microsoft.com/Profile/TimothySumer
Im thankful for the article.Much thanks again. Great. https://www.campingequipmentforsale.info/
This is a topic that is close to my heart... Best wishes! Exactly where are your contact details though? https://issuu.com/emia8diary/docs/what-is-a-code-ninja-and-how-do-i-f
Im thankful for the blog article.Much thanks again. http://www.k911tags.com/
wow, awesome article.Really looking forward to read more. Want more. https://fyve-derbyshires.com/site-plan
I really liked your blog post. Will read on... https://loopvideos.com/cS_hipnCblI
This blog was... how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I've found something that helped me. Many thanks! http://shelton8diaryo.unblog.fr/2019/03/08/a-look-at-rapid-secrets-of-new-york-construction-accident-law-firm/
Major thankies for the blog article.Much thanks again. Will read on... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1B4IWWRMwY
I really enjoy the blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Keep writing. https://ae-coupons.blogspot.com/2019/03/adam-and-eve-coupon-code-NEW50.html
This website was... how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I've found something which helped me. Appreciate it! http://penzu.com/public/30e1923b
Great information. Lucky me I came across your site by chance (stumbleupon). I have book marked it for later! https://penzu.com/public/0bcedf07
Very neat blog post.Much thanks again. Great. https://www.ginaamiratelier.com
Major thankies for the blog article.Thanks Again. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvaSoquZqIg
Appreciate you sharing, great article.Really thank you! Will read on... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMxl-9eoQHA
Muchos Gracias for your blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Much obliged. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFvTdc7743A
I appreciate you sharing this article post.Thanks Again. Fantastic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6AHD4d1HvE
I really like it whenever people come together and share thoughts. Great blog, keep it up! http://www.donnie-darko.de/forum/profile.php?mode=viewprofile&u=138581